


been away.

by sharkboii



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Consensual Sex, Drama & Romance, Drugs, Enemies to Lovers, Eren Yeager Is a Tease, Exes, F/M, Older Eren Yeager, Reader-Insert, References to Drugs, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:35:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29196183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharkboii/pseuds/sharkboii
Summary: Your old friend, Eren Yeager had been gone for almost an entire year and you and your friends have all but moved on with life. In fact you have barely given him a second thought -- but when he returns, he's not the same jovial and outgoing frat-boy you once knew; he's apathetic and troubled, as if something broke him when he left.
Relationships: Eren Yeager & Reader, Eren Yeager/Reader, Eren Yeager/You
Comments: 12
Kudos: 60





	1. what would you do?

**Author's Note:**

> pls forgive me for any punctuation or grammar or spelling errors, english isn't actually my first language so thank u for dealing with all the mistakes bc despite anxiously re-reading this like forty times i just KNOWW there's gunna' be some embarrassing typos in here like using the wrong you're/your but if u can overlook it i'll give u a kiss mwah XJFIHSINRFEUHFE anyways enjoy hehe
> 
> u can find me on tumblr [@sharkboii](http://sharkboii.tumblr.com/) \-- not sure why that's my user maybe i'm just a shark boy and lava girl stan ??

You were barely paying attention to the conversation around you, you were idly fiddling with your completely empty cup since Sasha and Connie had been arguing about the same thing for the past 20 minutes. You knew it was because they had both been tiptoeing around something; they were keeping something from you. What did you expect from the two people closest to you, but you weren't a sensitive, little baby bird? In fact, you had forced yourself to not shed tears over a night that was so insignificant that there was no point for these two to continue on with this desperate charade. “He’s back. Isn’t he?” You stated bluntly, your words were viciously slicing at their conversation. They both remained silent; their clear discomfort was painted vividly onto their expressions as they exchanged worried glances between each other. Eren had been gone for so long that he had faded from you and your friends’ lives completely, he was so easily displaced from your thoughts in such a short amount of time and you had felt the least bit of guilt for it. Time marches on, not even Eren would be able to bend time to his will. Your friends had adjusted to life without their friend, but you could sense the discomfort in celebrating Connie’s birthday in his absence.

“Apparently.” Sasha replied, her gaze darted towards the door as if his return was some impending doom, like a devastating natural disaster that would upset the balance of everything. You wanted to be confused as to why they were hiding this from you, but you knew full well that with the way he disappeared – you would be counting down the days till he returned. Sasha and Connie knew that you were now a minefield and one misstep by anyone would illicit a violently ruinous reaction from you.

“He’s not the same.” Connie added, interrupting your train of thought. “You know how he left… he's -- he's not the same guy.” There was a silence after that, you had lost the energy to keep fighting them about Eren. You could see the disillusion drain into Connie’s face, you weren’t the only one who Eren left, in fact – it was everyone in this room that he had left behind. Those two were inseparable a year ago and now it seemed like Connie could barely string together a sincere sentence about Eren. You couldn’t keep recounting your history with them, a history that was so minuscule that you had no right to expect anything from him -- right? You forced the two to return to their idle conversations, doing anything to drag the conversation away from someone that you had tried so hard to put behind you. There was load music droning through the common area accompanied by smoke from Jean’s vape that was dancing wistfully near the window.

You heard a pause in the atmosphere in the room, there was a break in the cluttered chatter of the house. There he was, speak of the devil -- Eren had finally returned after an entire year, surrounded by a group of people who carried the same troubled and unsettling demeanour as him. You had to force every muscle in your body not to respond to him, since all he did was glance languidly your way before he joined a group of people in the other corner of the room. You felt nimble fingers press a comforting touch upon your thighs as she was still engrossed in her conversation with Connie. “Don’t.” Sasha whispered to you; her gaze was still straight ahead. You scoffed at her warning; she knew you all too well, just how easily you were able to get tangled into Eren’s web.

“I won’t.”

You weren’t over Eren because there was nothing to get over, you had no feelings for him, and not a single thing would change just how much of a brazen jackass he was. The timing of your pep-talk with yourself couldn’t have been better since Eren and his friends found themselves occupying the vacant furniture around Connie, Sasha and yourself. It had been a while since you had even been able to soak in his presence, but you could tell there was a different air to him, he seemed indifferent now, his lids drooping low and he barely paid any attention to the conversations around him. You could hear Armin’s attempts to draw Eren out from his shell, his repeated calls to invite him to participate in the conversations but all Eren could do is brush him off or reply with a simple mumble. How did he manage to be so magnetic; he was surrounded by friends and yet he was completely withdrawn and isolated?

“Hey—” Zeke called out to you, his words were already slurring, and the smell of beer was swimming around the air around him. He was just as rugged as his younger brother and you could tell that he was a part of Eren’s recent downward spiral. Despite bearing the same haunted resemblance as his younger brother, Zeke’s blonde hair is tidy and taken care of in contrast to his unruly facial hair. You could tell that Zeke bears no regard for taming his beard or his alcohol intake, you could also tell that just like Eren, he probably didn't care about much at this point. Lost in your observations, you realised you must have been staring too long as Zeke’s gaze met your own. “You know he almost used up his one phone call at the station on you!” He wrapped his arm drunkenly around Eren’s shoulder. Station? You thought to yourself, did that idiot get himself arrested? You glanced quickly towards Eren and you could see the shame and irritation across his demeanour. He had barely even said a word since he arrived, yet he already looked drained and exhausted. 

“Why would he waste a call on me?” You muttered with a roll of your eyes. Your short temper was also about to blow. Why does everyone connect you two together, you were friends before he left and nothing more? No amount of history between you two would change anything, not even one alcohol-fuelled mistake. Eren didn’t owe you anything and he didn’t fail to hammer that notion into you when he left. 

“Eren, you might wanna’ take care of your wasted brother before he embarrasses you anymore.” Sasha jested with a tilt of her head, a futile attempt to diffuse the situation. With that, you decide that it would actually be you who embarrassed themselves if you stayed any longer.

“I’m gunna’ get a drink.” You whispered to Sasha before forcing a reassuring smile across your features in order to ensure that she doesn’t follow you. You weren’t in the mood to talk about Eren or whatever the fuck he’s been up to in his long absence. A better person would be concerned for him but all you could do was feel irritation, you heeded Sasha’s warning, you’ve been living your life – dealing with your own baggage and Eren doesn’t get to just return out of nowhere and take the reins of your life again. You pushed yourself onto your feet towards a familiar friend in the hallway.

“Not joining the welcome wagon?” You teased; a conceited sneer etched upon your features as you can see the displeased expression on your friend. You were provoking the obvious bad blood between the two, it was rather petty of you to seek him out for the sole reason of loathing Eren together, but who better to understand than Jean

“My bad, I better hop in the line and give that asshole a proper welcome!” Jean quipped back, his tone was overly dramatic and topped off with a sarcastic roll of his eyes. “I’m actually getting out of here; Connie’s got some weird black pepper flavoured vape that I’ve been dared to try – wanna’ come?”

“Yeah – I’ll join you in a sec’, let my grab my jumper first.” You replied, accepting any invitation that would lead you as far away from the impending disaster that lurks outside the hallways. As Jean made his way downstairs, you entered your room before the comfortable silence was interrupted by an all too familiar voice. The voice was deep and steady, but you noticed it lost its notable flare, the usual effervescence had lifted from him, all that remained was something dark and troubled. You couldn’t recognise who the man standing before you was. He had stray, brunette locks falling on his forehead while the rest of his hair was hastily tied into a bun. His broad physique was framed by an almost entirely black wardrobe with the exception of his large gold key necklace that sat perfectly upon his chest.

“What’s wrong with you?” He dimly asked, he crossed his arms as he pressed his weight against the wall. He had an air of disappointment surrounding him, as if he couldn’t believe that you wouldn’t want to be in his presence, he couldn't believe that you didn't press further on the comment that Zeke made earlier.

“What’s wrong with _me_?” You challenged him, was he so self-entitled that he thought he could guilt you from walking away from a conversation that you did not want to be a part of. You didn’t want to know what changed Eren and you didn’t care what it was that pulled him away.

“Wanna’ tell me why you’re so pissed?” His expression, or lack of expression didn't change. As your temper rose, Eren’s voice and demeanour stayed the same. Despite his words showing a genuine interest, his voice and mannerisms displayed nothing but a disregard for absolutely anything going on around him. This wasn’t the Eren that you knew, the man that you had known had life and zest spilling from his expressive eyes, he cared about the smallest things around him despite being just as haunted as you were. In fact, it was Eren who was able to keep you from falling into a dangerous spiral, but it looks like he wasn’t able to save himself. 

“Fuck off, Eren. Maybe if you could take a hint, you’d realise that _you’re_ the one pissing me off.” The words came carelessly fumbling out from your mouth -- at this point you knew you were overreacting; you could tell he had gone through something, but he owed you much more than he was giving you and you relished the thought of humbling him.

Eren didn't respond to your rant, instead, he drew in a long, sharp breath of air before he stepped towards you. Your chest rose and fell, almost out of breath from your last sentence as you stumbled backwards from his advances, your back crashing against the wall behind you. His arm extended to reach out for the wall behind you as his face creeps in closer towards you. “You and your short temper.” He mumbled to you while you soak in his scent. At least there was something familiar about him, this same scent that you were once tangled in. It’s embarrassing just how easily he’s able to bend you to his will. Just like that you were under his spell again, itching to give him a proper welcome back even though you know he doesn't deserve it. But he was so close and tempting, covered with a new and mysterious aura, maybe it was your distaste and resentment for him that fuelled your next move.

Your hands tugged at the ends of his shirt to pull him closer to you as you connected your lips with his. It was a long and messy kiss when he slipped his tongue inside yours. Eren's movements were hungry, as if he had been starving for days and this was his first taste of food. You could see his features were radiating with passion, the colour from his eyes seeping back in. His movements were so robust compared with the apathetic display he had put on earlier. Just for a second, you could see the person you once knew before. Your arms travelled from the bottom of his shirt to wrap around his neck and Eren slips his arms around your upper thighs, inviting you to wrap your legs around his waist. He didn't break his lips away from you but instead he sends a wet trail of reckless kisses along your neck before he lowers you onto the desk nearby, your legs still wrapped around his body. You were ashamed that you wanted more, didn’t you promise yourself that you wouldn’t let him come back and take over your life again, you put him in the past the second he chose to walk away.

“We shouldn’t do this.” You mumbled; Sasha’s prior warning seemed to have fallen upon deaf ears. There was a room outside full of your friends and one stray noise could end it all for the both of you. Despite your weak attempts to convince yourself that you could walk away from this encounter, your body seemed to have a mind of its own and was telling him the exact opposite. Eren’s lips trailed lower and lower from your neck, to your chest and falling all the way to your thighs. Almost every inch of your skin was covered in his wet trails. Your neck and back arched as soft moans spilled from your unruly lips.

“Tell me to stop then.” He breathes, you peered down on him as his hands rest on your thighs while he was on his knees. You remained silent; however, your hands travel to his hair as an invitation for him to continue on. Eren inches closer and closer towards your centre, his fingers pushing the thin fabric guarding your core to the side. His tongue draws intricate and wet lines across your slit as you emit a loud moan at the sudden sensation. You could feel a forceful wave of euphoria rush through your spine while he keeps a tight hold on your thighs to stop you from squirming. He was assiduous with his ministrations and he didn't remove his tongue when he introduced his fingers to your wet centre, teasing your entrance to get a reaction out of you. You inhaled sharply at the newly added sensation, his tongue and fingers massaging your clit effortlessly.

“Ere—”

“Just shut up…” Eren interrupted, as he pushed two of his fingers into you, dangerously close to being knuckle deep inside you. As if your calls of his name were distracting him from his intricate work. His familiar cockiness has returned, the jovial frat-boy that you once knew was zealously tasting you. His ministrations contained a heightened bravado now and you were finally starting to recognise who the man before you was.

“You’re tighter than I remember.” He observed, his fingers were frozen inside you as his piercing eyes were connected to yours, you knew that he was about to have you wrapped around his finger again.

“Maybe I’m just not as turned on as you think I am?” You challenged, forcing yourself not to bite down on your lip in front of him. With your remark, he quickly pulled his index and middle finger out of your pussy. The movement was so abrupt, and it left you craving all the more from him, just when he was pushing you to arrive to your peak, you came crumbling back down. A punishment for your quip at his sexual prowess.

“Oh really? Why don’t I show you just how wet you are then?” The devilish smirk spread across his lips was almost maniacal, a gesture of his sudden surge of confidence. He wrapped his already wet fingers around your own and lead them towards your _now_ notably, wet pussy. Your fingers lingered there, unsure of what to do as you refused to make eye contact with Eren.

“See for yourself, since I apparently am not up to the task.” You still stalled for a moment, heat racing towards your cheeks, despite you baring your entire body to him, were you so shameless that you would pleasure yourself right in front of him?

“Go on — touch yourself.” This time, Eren’s tone was posed as a dominant command than it was a request. Just when you had thought you had the upper hand; it took just one minute for him to have you at his beck and call again. You hesitantly began to rub around your slit, shame soaked into your thoughts as you realised that you _are_ just as wet as Eren stated.

Quiet moans fell from your lips as Eren smugly watched you have a taste of your own medicine, it was bittersweet since despite the pleasure you were giving to yourself, all you were doing is proving Eren right. Once your high started increasing, he softly wrapped his fingers around yours to stop you from what you were doing before he rammed two fingers inside you abruptly, eliciting a high-pitched yelp from you. His other hand was still wrapped around yours, pinning your arm to the desk to stop you from squirming. “Jealous, are we?” You provoked him; your eyebrow raised to match your goading sentiment.

His pace begun slow as he pulled in and out of you in long and detailed movements, he knew exactly how to build you back up as you responded to his movements with moans and your back arched up against the wall, your arms still pinned down by his free hand. “God, stop playing around.” You called out in frustration, he was playing with you and you knew that he was keeping you just below your boiling point.

“I thought you weren’t turned on?” He questioned; his fingers were moving just slow enough within you. You sat there silent, breaking your eye contact with him and refusing to fuel his ego anymore. However, Eren can see the way your body responds to him. “You want it that badly? Then beg for it.” He removed his fingers from you hastily as he rose from his kneeling position, so his face and body were hovering over you. He was just high enough that the tip of the key hanging off his change was resting comfortably on your chest. Your fingers reached out for the collars on his shirt as you carelessly pulled him even closer to you, your lips angled towards his ear.

“I’m begging you… Don’t you want a taste of me?” You successfully coaxed Eren into returning to your core, however, it was not his fingers that revisited you but his tongue. Your game of cat and mouse continued on as his tongue explored every single crevice of your pussy, his hands were keeping your thighs spread apart and pinned to the desk. Your back arched higher and higher as you quickly approached your climax, your fingers were tangling themselves into Eren’s hair and your chest rising and falling as you were getting ready to cum. Eren’s tongue was hitting all the right spots, it was as if he could read your body like the back of his hand, someone with barely any experience with your body could still bend and twist it to his will. Your body finally released the cluster of sexual tension that Eren had so diligently built up with within you. As you fell back against the desk, Eren rose from his position again, standing up this time as the pad of his thumb narcissistically grazed the bottom of his lip, cleaning up the excess remains of your orgasm.

“You’re right, I did want a taste.” He buttoned the bottom of his shirt back up and ran his hand smoothly through his hair, a futile attempt at cleaning himself up. You knew he was about to walk out, and you _should_ have known better than to try to stop him, you loathed him at that moment and yet your body and perhaps even your heart was yearning for him.

“Eren.” You sat up quickly and reached out for his arm. He stopped in his tracks, not a word left his lips just his wide, emerald gaze staring at yours. “I think you should fuck me—” Before you’re able to provide any explanation his lips had crashed onto yours, yet he remained standing, his arms were cupping your upper neck as you are pulled up to meet his height. You responded instantly; your arms wrapped around his torso as your tongue eagerly crashed against his own.

His lips met your neck, and you knew he was about to plant a blue and purple reminder of this very moment. Despite Eren’s greedy reaction to your kiss, you could sense his hesitation in his movements, and you’ve experienced this before, he’s going to walk away – again. “I can’t…” He whispered into the crook of your neck, halting for a moment before he pressed one final kiss above your now growing bruise before he straightened himself up and walked out of the door. He didn’t even give you one final glance before leaving you alone on your desk and once again you could see all the colour drain from him as he exits. He was about to return to the same brooding and apathetic person he had become. It was embarrassing that you thought one hate-infused tryst in your room would change that, you were never able to change Eren.

You had barely adjusted to the change in pace, one second ago he was tasting every inch of you and the next he was leaving you dazed and confused on your desk. How quickly the loneliness crept into you, why did you need him around you so badly? Hadn’t you just sworn to yourself that you would resist him, you wouldn’t make the same mistakes that you did before? You forced yourself not to delve into the dark mystery that was Eren’s year away, but you know he wasn’t relaxing and getting back in touch with his brother, he had lost himself, getting himself arrested and God knows what else – but for some reason he’s back now?


	2. where are you now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING : there are references to drugs and alcohol in this chapter. please skip this particular chapter if you aren't comfortable with these topics and please be safe with these substances !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the anthem for this chapter is [after hours by the weeknd](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygTZZpVkmKg) \-- this song goes so well with the scene right at the end, i was able to write like 3k words in just one sitting because i had that song on repeat
> 
> also please forgive me for the tense change, but i just feel like this story works so much better when i write it in present tense i also finished this at 3:00AM and its making me feel emo about my own life so i have barely proof read this i am so sorry

You awake in your bed, still wearing the clothes from the night before. The bitter and now-sickening smell of alcohol is stained to your sheets. Your fingers lightly rub at your eyes in an attempt to free you from your sleepy state and you can remember the weight of shame that lurks on your shoulders from your actions last night. Eren’s enthralling scent still lingers around your room, resting on your scattered notebooks and clothes. _Shit_. You let Eren walk back into your life with no question and you once again, let him do whatever he wanted to you. How much longer would you be wrapped around his finger? How long could you possibly answer to a man that barely gave you a second thought?

Your fingers lazily hover over the zip to your dress as you can barely stay alert enough to piece yourself together. You throw on an old and most likely unwashed oversized tee and graze your fingers across your face – a weak attempt at drawing out some liveliness from your tired muscles. Your gaze crosses to your phone and unsurprisingly a heavy sense of disappointment washes over you, there’s not a single message or missed called from him. You tell yourself that you’re pathetic for even hoping for some semblance of explanation from him because Eren has always done whatever the hell he has wanted and never cared about the trail of disappointed people that lay behind him.

Sasha emerges from her room and without hesitation enters yours. You had grown accustomed to Sasha’s lack of boundaries with you and in this current moment, you counted on it. Your friendship was almost forced to strengthen by sharing an apartment together, the two of you together usually resembled polar opposites, Sasha was quixotic and ebullient, and you were cynical and brash. These contrasts only brought the two of you closer, Sasha being one of the few people who was able to break down your strong defences.

“So…?” She questions as she brazenly falls onto your bed, she makes sure to take up as much space as she can. Her curiosity getting the better of her, despite knowing that you would never release too many details.

“What?” You bite down on your lip, your eyes darting to the corner of the room. You’re still too ashamed to reveal the events of last night. How are you supposed to explain that you let Eren do what he did and then walk out… even after you had asked him to stay? You’ve had enough lectures from Sasha about forgetting about Eren since she was the only one able to retrieve the story of what happened between you two. She had grown quite adept at reading you, she could see your emotions written on your forehead despite your usual reticence.

“Don’t play dumb, dumbass. I saw him walk out of here last night.” Her tone slightly loses some of its flamboyance to demonstrate her concern for you.

“Nothing worth mentioning, he just walked out… yet again.” Your tone was dry, you had forced yourself to come to terms with Eren’s lack of care towards you. “Why is he back…?” You mumble, slightly ashamed of your determined levels of curiosity.

“Who cares.” She bluntly states, she never hesitated when it came to being a protective friend, ever since she sensed some turmoil between the two of you, Sasha has subconsciously held a grudge against him, like any protective friend would. “He’s back and he’s not the same person, he looks so…”

“Different.” You interrupt, you could see it in his eyes, his pronounced eyebags and his vibrance had drained from his guise. His hair was barely brushed and other than your regretful tryst in your room, he had barely spoken to anyone else last night.

“Yeah… So much for that goofy, fratboy with anger issues, huh?”

You can’t help but be saddened by Sasha’s idle quip. What _did_ happen to the Eren Jeager you once knew? The one who had emotion and excitement just spilling from his smile, the boy who was loud-mouthed and reckless? It wasn’t you’re job anymore to be concerned about him, you had exhausted yourself last year when he dropped out of school and made the decision to leave. How are you supposed to save someone who doesn’t want to be saved, help someone who doesn’t want to be helped?

The week drawls on, slower than usual. You go to class, come home and then repeat this cycle until Friday. Your friends had a cherished tradition of securing Fridays as the day you all agree to meet up, universally accepting that no other plan would be priorotised. No matter what terms everyone was on, each and every one of you would show up to someone’s place bearing gifts such as alcohol and other treats and bask in each other’s presence. Each and every person’s usually irritating quirks had become endearing to you, although none of you would ever admit this fact to the other.

“Shit, we’re gunna’ be late. My bad.” You huff, carelessly applying your mascara as you rush to be on time. You are cross-legged on the floor, less than an inch away from your mirror with Sasha using the mirror placed on your desk.

“It’s fine, we have to be there at 7:30, but I told you 7 because you’re always late.” Sasha replies, her fingers brushing through the curls that her wand had just created. Your mouth forms an ‘O’ as you take full offense from Sasha’s scheming.

“Am I wrong?” She interjects at your offended response, you hear her lips smack together as she finishes applying her lip gloss before she pushes herself away from your desk to gather your bag and jacket, a fruitless bid to ensure you arrive on time.

Despite Sasha’s attempts for you to be on time for once, you arrive almost an hour late and much to your dismay, you're not at Connie's apartment, you're at the Jeager brothers' newly purchased place. You know despite your best efforts, you'd have to face Eren again, one way or another. You’re definitely not dressed comfortably, your dress clings to your skin but manages to frame every crevice of your body in the most flattering way possible. Jean is the first person who greets you as you and Sasha enter the household.

“You missed out last week, I saved you the best flavour.” He jests, his familiar smirk sweeps across his face.

“Oh shit…” You reply, Jean notices you realising what exactly happened the last time the both of you saw each other.

“I came back up to check on you and you were asleep.” You internally breathe a sign of relief that you weren't caught in your disgraceful hook up with Eren.

You hesitate to recall exactly what happened, you were on your way to join Jean outside before you were interrupted by Eren and then he once again left you to wake up alone. You clear your throat in an attempt to force away any recollection of that night.

“Yeah, guess I drank too much and passed out in my room – I swear I’ll join you next time!” You force a smile, a successful attempt at easing Jean’s concern for you. 

You force yourself to not scan the room for him, you’ve spent the past seven days repressing the fact that you once again, begged Eren to stay, and he once again left, like he always does. These Friday night parties were supposed to be a sanctuary for you, the only reason you were able to repress the events from the past years was from the antics of your friends – and yet again, he’s here. As if he had an open invitation for him to return and act like everything was normal. He sits in between Connie and Jean, his legs spread far apart, and the light still hasn’t returned to his eyes. You can’t help but focus on every intricate feature upon him, analysing just every single change on his body that you can observe. Even the way he sits is different, his back hunched over and his elbows indifferently resting on his thighs. You roll your eyes at your pathetic behaviour. _You hate him_. You reassure yourself before walking away from him, tired of focusing on him.

Your next decisions for the night are less dignified, distracting yourself with the dizzying effects of alcohol, the effects of which are finally arriving at your senses. You’re desperate at this point, to think about anything else other than Eren and the trail of despair he leaves behind him. The several vodka cocktails you’ve devoured are settling nicely in your stomach and you can most definitely feel the dizziness from it. You feed off the idle conversations Sasha is having around you, you're told that there's an en suite down the hall with the "juicy stuff" if you're bothered to seek it out. This entices you, you'll take anything to stop feeling angry. You whisper to Sasha that you'll be back before you make your way to the kitchen to fix yourself one more drink before you explore the treats that await you in the en suite.

You hear his voice from behind you as you idly sip at your drink, your futile attempt at pacing yourself for the night. “What’s wrong with you?” He asks again, the same line he fed you from the previous night. Its evident that he can see the contempt you have for him, its painted so clearly over your features. 

“Fuck off, Eren.” You decide to ignore him, you weren’t going to make the same mistakes you’ve made before.

“You never used to like tequila.” He continues, inching closer and closer behind you.

“Well, it gets me drunk, so.” You spit. Eren’s persistent when it comes to taunting you, proving that he can easily get under your skin while you still have absolutely no effect on him. You face the other way, so his words aren’t able to easily slip over your shoulder anymore, trying to create a wall between the two of you

“So why are you tryna’ get drunk then?” Your attempts don’t seem to stop him as he stirs the conversation with you.

“Well, Eren. We’re at a party and you have more fun when you’re drunk.” You grit your teeth, your venom-coated words slip irately off your tongue. What’s even more irritating is that Eren doesn’t seem to take any offense, he’s wearing the same annoying and apathetic face. As if he knew what your answer would be. You’re lucky that there is no one else in the kitchen because you’ve made quite a show that you couldn’t care less about Eren, yet every time you see him you find yourself alone in a room with him.

“It’s not because of me? Cause’ I wanna’ get a drink too—”

“I don’t care about what you do, Eren.” You’re able to force the words out effortlessly, you’ve mastered the art of lying to yourself and others about this. You’re hoping that your malicious words cut through him as deeply as you’ve been cut, but once again – his expression remains unchanged. You huff, his continued silence vexing you even more. You wanted a fight with him, you wanted to elicit some sort of emotion from this man. How could he be so expressionless one moment and then be begging for a taste of you the next. You see Eren take a step closer to you, you angle your head to see him out of instinct and he lowers his head ever so slightly.

“You don’t care about me?”

Your entire body is frozen, your retort stuck in the back of your throat. Eren’s whisper falls into your ear and awakens something in you. _No._ You didn’t care, you’ve been reassuring yourself that for more than a year. “N-No. I don’t.” You can’t help it, but the words stumble from your lips, you’re caught off guard by his curiosity, his sudden movement towards you. His almost seductive whisper.

“You don’t like me?” He almost pouts, his lips slightly pursing as his head is still tilted downwards, he’s dangerously close to your own face.

“No…” You stutter, fire rushing to every inch of your body, your chest rising and falling, and you feel your knees losing their strength. “I don’t like you. I hate you. I hate your guts. I hate… I hate how I can’t stop thinking about how much I hate you.” Your malicious words come spilling off your tongue, you can’t control it. Perhaps, after more than a year of repressing any feeling towards Eren, the slightest inquisition would result in your true feelings falling out. Eren, however, doesn’t move his face away from yours, his expression is still the same debonair and detached one that he had grown so fond of wearing. Despite your drunken haze, you can sense that he was ready to finish what he started last week, and you knew that even if you were absolutely sober, you would not be able to resist him. Eren’s hands lean towards you as he begins to walk, pushing your body backwards and towards an empty hallway in the apartment. Your back crashes against the wall as his hands snake around your waist, his warm fingers pressing into the skin on your hips.

“Wait…” You interrupt him, pressing a palm against his lips before they’re able to meet yours. The alcohol stirring in your gut is igniting as you take Eren’s hand and lead him into the en suite attached to a random bedroom, you’ve gathered the more alluring party favours there.

“Stealing my stash?” He spots your collection that is scattered along the bathroom counter, a slight aura of concern surrounds his question, but you decide to ignore it as you make your way to add to your high. _His_? Had you just dragged Eren into his own en suite? Of course it was his. You were at his own apartment, obviously the bathroom riddled with drugs would belong to Eren.

“No... I’m just tryna’ have some fun, remember?” You reply back hastily, your eyebrow cocking to redeem yourself from your embarrassing actions. You were over whatever history you had between the two of you and both of you seemed to be doing a perfect job of not mentioning it at all. You were tired of being betrayed by him, it was must more satisfying to feel hatred towards him. You use your nails to set out lines across the bathroom counter, trying to compose yourself from all the alcohol you have ingested. 

“Did you just bring me in here to watch?” He responds blankly, as if he wasn’t able to see the resentment seeping out from your face.

“I’ll give you one if you tell me something…” You suggest, turning towards him, one of your hands is resting on the sink and the other is shoved into the pocket of your jacket. Eren mimics your movement and tilts his head as if he was accepting your proposition.

“Why’d you run away?” Your words are slightly starting to slur, the smell of gin radiates off of Eren’s lips, you know you both are in a dangerous spot, about to say something that both of you will regret. “The other night… I mean.” You correct yourself, not wanting to unearth the history between you two.

“You said we shouldn’t do this… I still needed a taste, though – I don’t have that much self-control.” He doesn’t seem ashamed; his eyes are boldly staring into yours. You can’t help but feel heat rush into you at his response, was it lust or was it anger? Perhaps, it was a lethal concoction of both, spurring you onto feel something that you had forced yourself to repress the past year. “Now where’s my line.” He adds, taking a step towards your side of the bathroom counter

“I said I’ll give it to you, didn’t I?” You interrupt his movements as you trickle the illicit powder along your collarbone. You’ve got a devilish smirk spread across your lips, as if you were challenging him. Which one of you would make the bigger mistake tonight? Eren’s lips mimic yours as the corners turn into a faint smirk, one that you can barely make out. His fingers cup the side of your face before pushing your hair away, exposing the side of your neck. You feel electricity rush drastically up your spine due to the cool air hitting your exposed skin.

“You’re drunk… and high.” He adds, you can sense the hesitation in his voice, the same from the last time you were this close to him. This time, however, you’re not letting him run away, you can tell he wants this too, his eyes won’t stop fixating on your body.

“So are you.” You angle your head towards him. You know you’re being fuelled by the alcohol and other substances you’ve devoured tonight, but you’ve wanted him since the day he got back. You want him to finish what he started. Your hand slips into his, placing the rolled-up note in his grasp, your fingers lingering in his for eerily too long. Before you’re able to process it, Eren drags his face upon your collarbone, draining the powder that rested on your skin. You emit a sharp exhale as Eren’s tongue cleans up the remaining dust before he drags his face along your neck and hovers near your ear.

“Do you want me?” He hums into your ear; his voice remains low as it always has been since he returned but you can sense the desire in his demeanour.

“Mmm…” Is all you can manage; you decide to blame your high rather than the arousal rushing through your body for your inability to string together a sentence.

“No. I want to hear you say it. Tell me.”

Your hands snake around his shoulders to join at the back of his neck. “I want you.” You reply, your words are perfectly enunciated as you lock your eyes onto his. With your blessing, Eren shifts your position so your back rests against the counter as he kisses you carelessly and hard, his tongue and yours already feeding off one another. You hoist yourself up onto the bathroom counter, your lips don’t disconnect for a moment as Eren positions himself between your legs. You feel euphoric, your high is at its peak and Eren knows this from the quiet moans he elicits by moving his lips along your jaw and then to your neck. Your fingers move from the back of his neck to tangle themselves into his hair as you hook your legs around his waist.

He can’t help but keep returning back to you, at this point, he can’t even remember why he returned in the first place. He made a decision to leave everyone behind one year ago and ignored your cries to stay, you gave him a perfectly good reason not to run away and yet… nothing seemed to be enough for him. He inches closer and closer to crossing the line with you again, each kiss, each movement of his tongue drains his self-control bit by bit. Your hands are buried in his hair, as if they were returning somewhere so familiar, like it was their natural habitat. Your fingers then retreat to the shoulders of his jacket, edging them to fall off onto the floor, Eren’s hands slip under your dress to make direct contact with the skin on your thighs. His fingers are warm, perhaps from the alcohol or maybe from the heat that both of you are producing in this cramped bathroom?

Something about this night and your tryst last week were different. Your bodies were right on top of each other and he didn’t feel the same. You begin to finally wonder, what the hell happened to him when he left? You recall he had been arrested, you can see the eyebags resting under his drained eyes, they were once spilling with life and now… Eren had never looked so defeated in his life. The only passion you could see off him was in his drive to kiss you, his grip on your body. At least one thing about him remained the same.

You should’ve known better than to continue tangling yourself up in him, but Eren’s darkness doesn’t seem to deter you from him. Instead, it's driving you to explore him further. In between quiet moans and gasps, you tug at his shirt, a silent plea for him to remove it. He reaches behind his neck and pulls his shirt off, complying with your request. He doesn’t bother taking your clothes off, you’ve coincidentally provided him easy access with your attire, but he doesn’t remove his lips from yours. Your kisses were almost feral, as if you were both compensating for the year apart you spent from each other. Your mouth trails along his jaw and to his neck, marking him with a soon-to-be purple bruise. Eren responds with an almost sinful chuckle, as if he knew your intention was to mark him, to claim him as your own, even though you have absolutely no right to do so. Despite what lingered in your subconscious, your minuscule history wasn’t enough to have any hold over him.

“Ask me to stay…” Eren hums, your lips are still on his neck and he takes this opportunity to whisper directly into your ear.

“What?” You’re slightly maddened by this request, how many times had you asked him to stay? You’d embarrassed yourself enough in front of him, the only reason this was happening was because you were drunk and fuelled by an angry lust and drug induced mixture.

“I said I want you to ask me to stay.” He replies blankly, his words still being seductively whispered into your ear while his fingers cup the sides of your face, closing the small distance between you two.

“I’ve already asked you two stay before and you still left, so…” The events from last week repeat in your mind, you pathetically begged him to stay with you. Eren has had no issue with walking away from you. Your words are coated with an air of spite, your tongue is sharp and harsh, a bid to slice through his ego.

“Ask me again, I don’t want to hold myself back tonight.” He stares straight into your eyes, you practically smell the lust between you two, lingering around the air between you two. He doesn’t seem taken aback at all by your spiteful efforts. It’s as if no insult or attack would have any effect on him, he’s still wearing his apathetic expression; its dull and almost bored, as if he knew you would bend to his will one way or another, he knew that he would always have you running back to him.

“I hate you.” You bite back at him; your grasp returns to the back of his neck to pull his lips onto yours for a a lust-infused kiss. This one was different to the kisses you had been giving him before, this one was almost angry, like you had a point to prove and you would intricately spell it out to him, using just your tongue and your lips. Your grip on him is increasingly tight, wanting to push him away with all your strength but also wanting to pull him even closer, despite the fact that there was absolutely no distance between the two of you.

“I know.”

“Stay…” You hum, reluctantly, your lips are still on top of each other. You want this night clouded in sin with him and for once, he complies with your request, he stays with you. You were willing to quietly forgo your stubborn pride for a night of hate-infused entanglement with him. With your blessing, Eren’s grip around your waist tightens, as if he wasn’t able to feel your skin unless he was holding it with all his strength. As he breaks the kiss, he takes your hand and leads you to the bedroom that was attached to the bathroom you had just been fumbling around in.

Your clothes are barely clinging to your body, one strap of your dress hangs sloppily off your shoulder while the bottom is pushed all the way up to reveal your almost embarrassingly wet panties. Eren doesn’t bother to take his lips off you for too long as he spins you around and pushes you against the wall in his room. You back sharply collides with the wall, Eren's palm rests against it, locking you in place. It's as if he was trying to teach you a lesson, to show you that he was driven by your hatred. Your hips begin to grind into him, you can feel him against you. You're craving more, you want more. You want him to fuck you so hard that you forget everything that has happened between you two. Eren can see how invigorated you are as he pulls you off the wall and begins to push you towards the bed, not disconnecting your lips for a second. You’re almost stumbling backwards at this point, his kisses are hungry and vigorous, he has a tight hold on both of your cheeks before the back of your knees hit the post of his bed and your body tumbles onto it. He eagerly joins you, his shirtless and muscular frame hovering on top of you, a thin layer of passionate sweat coats his body. He presses wet and ravenous kisses down your figure, trailing down from your lips, to your neck, down your chest and then to your inner thigh. He still doesn’t bother to remove your dress; he was hungry enough to not let that be an obstacle for him to take you tonight.

His tongue traces a long and satisfying line from your inner thigh all the way up to the edge of your pussy. His gaze is smugly looking up at you while he does it, he wants to see your reaction to the irresistible show he’s putting on. All you can do is throw your head back onto the bed, a loud moan rushes through your lips as your back arches off the bed. His tongue explores every inch of your folds before he abruptly inserts two fingers into you. A yelp pours through your mouth, your chest deeply rising and falling, unable to hide the pleasure that is washing over your body.

Erens eyes dart back up every now and then to illicit a shameful moan from you while his fingers pump in and out of your cunt. He’s pushing you to reach your peak so easily, he’s barely even started and you’re already ready for your release. He can sense your body squirming on his bed, he lets out a smug and breathy laugh. You're too satisfied to be annoyed at the way your body reacts to his touch, the way it betrays your pride and practically begs him for more. 

“Not yet, I want to taste it.”

You throw your head back at his delay to your release, but it is short because his tongue instantly returns to your clit. He’s played with you enough that your orgasm comes quickly, it twirls around Eren’s tongue as he slowly lifts his head up from your centre. You’re panting on the bed, trying to regain your composure as the euphoria spreads throughout every inch of your body. You see Eren’s tongue drag along his lip, draining the excess of your orgasm. His expression is wicked, his eyebrow raised, and you can see that he is only just getting started. Eren bobs his head down, as if he intended to make you scream his name for the entire night. Your hunger only intensifies at this sight, you weren’t going to let him pull the strings the entire night.

“No. It’s my turn.” You snap, both your hands are cupped around either side of his face. You can see that he doesn’t want to comply, he wants to be in control but now it’s your turn to play this game with him. You lift yourself up off the bed and push Eren to take your place on the bed. You gingerly drop to your knees, your fingers reaching for the buttons on Eren’s pants. You can see him preparing himself, his fingers running through his unruly hair. He emits a deep groan as you take in his entire length in one swift motion.

“Fuck…” Is all he can force himself to say, eyes rolling back into his head as his face falls against the bed. 

You’re eager with your ministrations, driven by your desire to beat him, to make him say your name, it’s your turn to win. He can’t hide how good it feels, the groans and moans that come quickly spilling from his mouth as your head pushes up and down on him. You can see he’s growing closer and closer to the edge, you take your tongue and trace along him, dancing along his tip and you can taste the pre-cum that has hastily spurted out. You smack your lips together and just as you were about to return your lips to his cock, he stops you.

“I want you to ride me, yeah?” This wasn’t a request; you could tell this was a command from him. His words are slightly slurred, but his voice still carries the same deep and attractive weight to it. Despite your efforts to remain in control, you couldn’t control yourself when it came to him. You wanted him inside you, you wanted to feel every inch of him. You lift yourself off your knees as you climb on top of him, Eren has his back resting against the headboard while you position yourself right on top of him. You slowly lower yourself onto him, a sharp breath of pleasure emits from you. You're already slightly sensitive from your previous orgasm and Eren's cock is pushed into you with such ease. Eren’s hands are grasping as the small of your back while you position yourself. Once you find your rhythm you begin to bounce up and down slowly, before you pick up your pace, your hips grinding along on top of him. Eren pulls you in for a heated kiss, your tongues dancing along with each other. You can barely focus on kissing him, you feel electricity rushing down your spine and then to your core. You had just begun but you were already bouncing your way to your second orgasm of the night. Your head is dizzied from the euphoria of Eren’s touch combined with the alcohol and drugs you had ingested, your head hangs off Eren’s shoulder, unable to continue riding him and keeping your head up straight.

“I— Ah. Fuck – You—” Is all you can huff out; your arms are wound tightly around Eren’s shoulders as his body is keeping you upright while you continue bouncing up and down. At this point, you weren’t even sure what words of praise you were about to mutter out.

“I know…” He breathes out at your sex-infused confession, you just screamed out _fuck you_. He knows you hate him, he knows what this is, but he’s done resisting your touch. You can see Eren’s grunts getting quicker, his eyes beginning to roll into the back of his head. He was close, very close – but so were you.

“I’m gunna—” You moan, your second orgasm spilling along him, your walls clenching even tighter around him. Eren moans at this new sensation. He thinks you’re about to stop, to compose yourself and finish cleaning yourself up from your release, but this only spurs you on. Your arms reach for the headboard behind Eren to hold yourself up as you continue to bounce up and down, Eren pulls you in for idle messy kisses as you ride him.

“Goddamn, you’re even tighter now.” He breathes out, his face nuzzling into the crook of your neck as he climbs to his peak now. You’ve finally got him, he's wrapped around your finger and you can see him ready to finish, he can’t hold it in any longer.

“Fuck. Where—”

“I’ll swallow it.” You interrupt, your voice is huffed, and you can barely string together the words as you ride him. Arousal spreads over Eren’s face, he wants to fill you up with his release. You slip off him, your core already longing for the space to be filled again as your mouth encompasses his cock. His cum flowing into your mouth, the salty taste seeping into your tongue. He finishes with a final, deep grunt before your mouth drags off of him, sucking in whatever excess remains along his tip. You mimic his movement from the week before, your thumb tracing along the corner of your lips, cleaning up whatever of his cum that had escaped your mouth. He pulls you on top of him, littering your lips with sensual kisses, you aren't able to get enough of each other. You don't bother to talk, just stay tangled together. Neither of you are in any state to unearth any of the history there is between you two, you're too infused with your high to even care about what happened to Eren in his year long absence and why even left in the first place.

The two of you are exhausted, the devilish mixture of hatred, alcohol, drugs and lust has left the two of you drained and panting on Eren’s bed. You’re too shameful to have a look at the state you two are in, your clothes haven’t even been taken off, Eren’s pants pushed just low enough and the hem of your skirt pushed just high enough for easy access.

You don’t remember falling asleep, but Eren's phone on the floor says it’s much too late and the sobering effects of your short sleep are telling you not to spend the night next to Eren. You _hate_ him after all. You push his arm that is wrapped around your waist off you and leave him, the sinful air of the night before still lingers around his room. You were not ready to wake up next to him in the morning and you’re not ready to acknowledge that you had sex with a man that you apparently hate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can find me @sharkb0ii on tumblr or @jeagersgal on tik tok hehe  
> i did get a bit carried away with the drug scene in the bathroom, i included it because it unfortunately is a real life experience i had with my now ex-bf so yeah RHGEIURGHVEIFCNSJIUH

**Author's Note:**

> give [been away by brent faiyaz](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gfgfUZPr5Bw) and [dreams, fairytales, fantasies by a$ap ferg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ViV6aBkddw) a listen bc the vibe of this story is heavily based on these songs !!


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